I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
