Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This baby is an asshole
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
