Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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