ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
