I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
