Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
