So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
