He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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