I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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