i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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