Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
