i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
