I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
