and you said cock pushups were impossible
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
