New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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