he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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