Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i dont even know how to be here
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
