The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
