I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
