Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize