I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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