If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize