Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
