she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
