It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
