We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize