Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
