I cockslap morals
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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