I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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