Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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