Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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