my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
