you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
