Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
