That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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