That's intense
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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