There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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