put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
