dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
