what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
