Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
