I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize