i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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