I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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