If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize