I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
