There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
