Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sext me about skeletons
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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