we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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