Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
