just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
