She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize