guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
