ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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