I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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