wat bout pragnant strippers??
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
pray to the hookup gods
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
