Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
