I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
