the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
