PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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