If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
