i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
