You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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