saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
