the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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