Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize