a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
