i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
